The case in my experience is startling like before marriage.... the "ideal love" time...one tends to find compatibility and sameness and everything seems right for the person you love..... maybe the mind frame is such that we tend to look at all the positives in the person we love. Once you settle down (married) you are in 24*7 with your ideal and soon you start discovering there are many things different ... right from sleeping habits, liking in eating, what to watch in tv., thought process etc etc.... and you tend to wonder woooh we are so so different from each other.
"EXPECTATIONS" are high and each difference at times feels like not in tune ....one tends to wonder so much tuning before marriage ...how come it feels suddenly out of tune.
EGO is another big roadblock in thinking clearly for me....realization came recently and i could see it getting associated with lot of dissatisfaction felt.
Another hurdle is the thing called " YOU SHOULD KNOW"(can be a sub category of expectations) and I would say women are adept in utilization of this skill. Even when men feel helpless to figure out what women wants, they would insist on men to know and are dissatisfied if what they are thinking in mind is not read by men. I find myself in this situation sometimes.
As I have learned from personal experience no two people are same and differences in individuals will always prop up in marriage. It is our ability to appreciate the difference and not force other person to change to our liking. Appreciate the person along with his/her good and bad. And one has to continuously work on the relationship to make it happen.
Pre marriage- we focus excessively on good alone
Post marriage- it keeps fluctuating and I fear if not addressed in time it shifts to focus only on bad
Not only marriage in my experience if we apply it to communication with any other individual , having this perspective is surely a great help in any relationship or interaction.
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